I hate to even talk about it because it always seems like I jinx myself but I think our little man is getting back to himself, whew. Logan has went through some difficult times in his adjustment here and there but over all he has done remarkably well. He usually will be OK within a few weeks if the blues come on and it seems to have been a pattern of every 3/4 months he would have a bad week or 2 and then be fine. Well the past 6 weeks have not been good, I know a lot of it is just your I'm almost 3 and I am the boss but man I'll tell ya it is a hard thing when your child is pushing you away.
Well, I am happy to say that as of a few day's before Christmas he settled back into himself : ) : ) and has stayed that way through the Holiday rush. I am so relieved for him to be feeling better. He has been so happy and loving, a far cry from 2 weeks ago. I am so thankful that that funk is over, it was very hard on all of us. I almost didn't want to do anything over Christmas but stay home and "cocoon" because he was starting to feel better and I didn't want all of the stimulation to get him all out of sorts again. How do you cancel Christmas? He has been great and we all had a lot of fun visiting.
Any ways, my Mom had said to me a little while before Christmas that she would like it if we got the Grandkids together for a picture sometime. Well of course I rolled with it for a gift, what was I thinking, LOL! 2 different studios, 2 different days, 3 different photographers and five hours of our time we finally got a good shot of the 3 of them. My niece and nephew are 15 and 12 so they weren't the problem. My cute little man just did not want to take a picture with them. He was OK for the 2 by himself (kind of) but he didn't want to sit with them. What a STINKER! Thank you Amber and Austin for being good sports. My poor nephew looked crazy in a few of the pictures from holding his smile for so long, LOL!
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
HO! HO! HO!
This was the best Christmas ever! Logan enjoyed himself so much, I just enjoyed watching his face as he opened his gifts. He got way spoiled by everyone and we still have 2 more visits before the festivities are over. Christmas day is usually the last of the gift giving and visiting but this year we had to make a visit today, we have another planned to go and see Jeff's Grandma on Friday and then we are going to celebrate with my Dad and siblings this coming Sunday. It just didn't work out that we could all be there at the same time so we had to wait until after Christmas. Oh well, more good food and visiting with family, sounds kind of fun to me.
Last year Logan had fun but it was all a bit over-stimulating for him, he had only been home a few months and was still very much adjusting to being in a family. I remember the first gift he got for Christmas a few day's before. My friend Tania came over and he really just didn't know how to open it, this year was way different. He new exactly what to do and enjoyed doing it.
It's hard to tell what he likes the best right now because there are so many new things he just keeps going from one to the next. I can't wait for a couple of weeks to put some things away and start rotating toys again. He got the "Bounce and Go" inch worm from his Nanny and Papa, I asked my Mom to get him this. I knew he would love it and we couldn't get it put together fast enough for him. Santa gave him the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and he loved that, he is really into Mickey and friends right now. He also got a Mickey pillow with a sleep sack that he LOVES. Time will tell what he keeps playing with and what gets left behind so to speak.
Jeff and I really had such a good time this year, last year there was A LOT of stress with some family issues we had going on and it was hard to enjoy ourselves. This year we have found a way to move past it and start our healing. It was a long road to get here but we are doing it. I have to be honest it really ruined a lot of things for us, it was the most heartbreaking, sad thing I have ever been through in my life and I think Jeff would agree. We had enough stress of Logan coming home with his transition and us adjusting as first time parents, we surly didn't need any of that added onto it. We needed to focus on Logan no one else, we needed support and we didn't get it from some. Any way's, it was a huge Jerry Springer mess that I have never fully gotten into here because that dirty laundry is best left alone, so I will end it with that.
Any ways, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, we sure did. I am looking forward to the New Year and all that it will bring, more positive things I hope : )
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Merry Christmas!
I don't think I will have much time over the next few day's but I wanted to say Merry Christmas. I hope you all have a wonderful Holiday. I know this year is going to be so much fun. We went for a visit today at Jeff's Aunt Chris's house. It was really nice, we had brunch and Logan got spoiled with some cool gifts.
Our cousin Jennifer is in town from New Orleans and she got to meet Logan, he really liked her. Her brother Ricky was there also and he was the one who cooked. He made two different types of quiche, they were both yummy, Logan even liked them. It really was a very nice visit and I am glad we got to get over there to see them all.
Any ways, we have lots to do the next few days and I am so excited to see Logan's face Christmas morning, I hope to post some video Christmas morning. Last year he was only home a few months and it was all a bit much for him, this year is a whole different story all though I think he will be a bit over-stimulated he will be able to handle it better. I remember last year on the way home Christmas Eve he sat in his car seat screaming at the top of his lungs letting it all out on our way home. He wasn't screaming because he was mad or throwing a fit it is his way to get it all out. He still does this every once in a while but not near as often as he used to.
Happy Holidays!
P.S. Happy Birthday Mom!
Our cousin Jennifer is in town from New Orleans and she got to meet Logan, he really liked her. Her brother Ricky was there also and he was the one who cooked. He made two different types of quiche, they were both yummy, Logan even liked them. It really was a very nice visit and I am glad we got to get over there to see them all.
Any ways, we have lots to do the next few days and I am so excited to see Logan's face Christmas morning, I hope to post some video Christmas morning. Last year he was only home a few months and it was all a bit much for him, this year is a whole different story all though I think he will be a bit over-stimulated he will be able to handle it better. I remember last year on the way home Christmas Eve he sat in his car seat screaming at the top of his lungs letting it all out on our way home. He wasn't screaming because he was mad or throwing a fit it is his way to get it all out. He still does this every once in a while but not near as often as he used to.
Happy Holidays!
P.S. Happy Birthday Mom!
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Happy Birthday Jeff!
Happy Birthday Jeff, I hope you enjoyed your day! Logan and I baked Jeff a cake this morning and then we frosted it when he got up from his nap (daddy also took a nap). After we frosted it he ran and woke Jeff up, he couldn't wait to sing Happy B-day. It was so cute, he was SO EXCITED. Jeff could have stayed sleeping but he was a good sport and got up.
We laid pretty low today, I told Jeff what ever he wanted to do was fine. He hunted this morning, took a nap when he got home. We were going to go out to dinner but we were all full from the cake so Jeff went and got a carry out a bit later than we normally eat. Logan was bouncing off the walls, he had a major sugar overload from cream cheese frosting from Jeff's cake so we really did not want to take him out either : )
I had a pumpkin walnut bread/muffin mix from Tastefully Simple so that is what we made and I am glad I did, you have to try one of these, yummy! I made the bread cut it in half after it cooled, frosted the center, put it back together and then frosted the whole thing. I don't even want to think about the calories and fat in that one piece, LOL but it was so good, we all enjoyed it.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Snow, Snow and More Snow!
We got a bit of snow over the weekend as you will see from the pics. The weather center was saying 10-16 inches we got about 7/8 other area's got more but I think most of us got about the same. Logan loves the snow. Last year he was so small to go sledding but we played in the snow every time. Yesterday we went out for about 10-15 minutes, we had a lot of fun and I can't wait for it to get out of the 20's so he can go down a little hill. We pulled him around and let him slide down the drive with one of us on the other end, HE LOVES IT!
Logan also got to try Hot Chocolate for the first time of course with mini marshmallows. He loved that to. He does not like choco-milk so I didn't think he would like it but he did, who doesn't like hot cocoa?
First time on a sled
Logan also got to try Hot Chocolate for the first time of course with mini marshmallows. He loved that to. He does not like choco-milk so I didn't think he would like it but he did, who doesn't like hot cocoa?
First time on a sled
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Bless You!
Baking Cookies
Logan's vocabulary is blooming beyond belief. I am actually amazed how well he talks from just a few short months ago. I love it that we are having full conversations, it is so much fun. He pronounces his words very well and says some pretty extravagant ones.
A couple of weeks ago as I was leaving I gave him the usual hugs and kisses and I love you and his reply was "love you Mommy, BE CAREFUL" OMG, I melted and got teary eyed, no tears streamed but man moments like those are priceless. He usually says I love you, but never be careful : ) what a sweet boy!
Tonight he was taking a bath and we were pouring buckets back and forth and I sneezed, he said "bless you Mommy", how cute is that. Logan repeats me sometimes when I say that to him but he has never just said it. It is amazing how he just all of a sudden is this smart, funny, beautiful little person he is no loner an adorable baby. I LOVE it that he is saying things in the appropriate way and time.
I try my hardest not to swear in front of Logan but I am human. I usually just ignore it if someone else or I swear in front of him and repeats it. It has not been very often but it has happened of course. Well Today he said dam it, I wasn't sure if I heard him right or not so I asked him what he said and he told me again so I told him that ws not a nice word and we don't use it. He then says it about 10 more times, LESSON LEARNED I will never acknowledge he saying a cuss word again and he got time out. The funny but not so funny thing about it was that he said it when he slipped climbing in the chair.
Any ways, I am way excited about Christmas this year, I can't stop buying him presents. It seems like all of Logan's toy's are just to young for him. They are all like for under 2/3 or he has had them for a long time and has mastered them all and he is bored with them. He definitely needs toys for 3 and up now. I went though his presents and I have a lot of little stuff but only 1 semi big gift. I keep debating whether or not to get him the Mickey Mouse talking clubhouse, his friend Alec has one and he always plays with it when we are there. I think maybe I will wait and see what he get for Christmas from everyone else before I do that. He is going to be over whelmed any ways so I will start rotating his toys again.
I have also been thinking that come the New Year I am going to get more structured with our day. Logan and I always do some type of learning daily but I want to add like an activity also. I am getting some ideas from other blogs. I love blogging and reading others, it has helped my family in so many different ways.
Logan's vocabulary is blooming beyond belief. I am actually amazed how well he talks from just a few short months ago. I love it that we are having full conversations, it is so much fun. He pronounces his words very well and says some pretty extravagant ones.
A couple of weeks ago as I was leaving I gave him the usual hugs and kisses and I love you and his reply was "love you Mommy, BE CAREFUL" OMG, I melted and got teary eyed, no tears streamed but man moments like those are priceless. He usually says I love you, but never be careful : ) what a sweet boy!
Tonight he was taking a bath and we were pouring buckets back and forth and I sneezed, he said "bless you Mommy", how cute is that. Logan repeats me sometimes when I say that to him but he has never just said it. It is amazing how he just all of a sudden is this smart, funny, beautiful little person he is no loner an adorable baby. I LOVE it that he is saying things in the appropriate way and time.
I try my hardest not to swear in front of Logan but I am human. I usually just ignore it if someone else or I swear in front of him and repeats it. It has not been very often but it has happened of course. Well Today he said dam it, I wasn't sure if I heard him right or not so I asked him what he said and he told me again so I told him that ws not a nice word and we don't use it. He then says it about 10 more times, LESSON LEARNED I will never acknowledge he saying a cuss word again and he got time out. The funny but not so funny thing about it was that he said it when he slipped climbing in the chair.
Any ways, I am way excited about Christmas this year, I can't stop buying him presents. It seems like all of Logan's toy's are just to young for him. They are all like for under 2/3 or he has had them for a long time and has mastered them all and he is bored with them. He definitely needs toys for 3 and up now. I went though his presents and I have a lot of little stuff but only 1 semi big gift. I keep debating whether or not to get him the Mickey Mouse talking clubhouse, his friend Alec has one and he always plays with it when we are there. I think maybe I will wait and see what he get for Christmas from everyone else before I do that. He is going to be over whelmed any ways so I will start rotating his toys again.
I have also been thinking that come the New Year I am going to get more structured with our day. Logan and I always do some type of learning daily but I want to add like an activity also. I am getting some ideas from other blogs. I love blogging and reading others, it has helped my family in so many different ways.
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Christmas Wonderland
My Mom and I took Logan out to this really fun place for some Christmas browsing. As soon as we walked in L was in awe, I knew he would like it. A whole lot of Christmas trees and animation all around. He really loved the Snow White scene they had besides the mirror. I am not sure what the heck they were thinking but that evil thing in the mirror kind of scared me. We must have watched Snow White 10 times but he only looked at the mirror the first time and then would walk out of view of it when that part started.
We had a good time, nothing got broken but this tree ended up spinning really fast, LOL! This is not the greatest pic but this tree was like 12 feet tall and I wanted to show you all the actual tree. We had walked half way through and we had stopped and were just looking around and talking when I start hearing ornaments clinking together. I looked up and the tree was starting to spin really fast, I had to look around to find out what happened, Logan was right in front of me. Well right there you could just turn this dial. L had turned it up to about 7, Thank God I got to it before it really started flying. I can't imagine how much that would have cost me, although I would have probably argued about that since the dial was just right there, not out of the way or covered at all.
We have had some issues lately going on with Logan. He is being a little stinker again and that is an understatement. He is really distant with me right now but also very clingy at the same time, it is strange. He only wants me for EVERYTHING if I am around and of course I always am because I stay at home with him. He really has not wanted affection from anyone but me lately and he really doesn't want that either. I have been trying to hold his hand more, carry him more and having him sit in my lap also all of which I do all the time any ways. He has not wanted hugs or kisses from anyone but Jeff and I and sometimes he doesn't want us either.
He is moody, clingy and cranky and has been having potty issues on and off for about a month now. Logan has not worn a diaper besides at night since the beginning of August and I am about ready to regress him into them if I have to keep changing pants 3/4 times a day but then other days he doesn't have one "accident". I do not think they are accidents at all because sometimes he doesn't even try to get to the bathroom and he will even tell me that he doesn't have to go and 5 seconds later his pants are wet. What the heck, it usually happens after leaving Nanny and will last for a few days and then stop. I think maybe he is having feelings like maybe she may take him or I am leaving and not coming back. Nanny is the other lady in his life and I wonder if it has any thing to do with that.
He is such a funny kid and it stinks to see him sad. He is definitely going through something right now. I just try and reassure him that He nor we are going anywhere, that we are family and his parents forever and that we love him very much. I tell him all the time that he is safe and that this is his house and his things. He has been talking a lot about Russia and I think even having dreams about it. He told Jeff last weekend when he woke up that his deer was from Russia, so I think he must having been dreaming something because he was half a sleep. I am not sure what or how much he remembers about it though. I am sure he remembers some parts he was 19 months when he came home and it must have been so traumatic for him. Even though it was all for the best he surely couldn't understand that.
He will tell you that He was born in Russia and Mommy and Daddy came and picked him up and we flew on a plane. We talk about Russia and we tell him that he was born in Russia but we never have really gotten into the details about how we got home and stuff. I was pretty taken back when he said that to me the first time. I love it that he tells ya that he was born in Russia and Mommy and Daddy came for him, way to cute!
I know with all the hustle and bustle of the Holidays he is a little over-stimulated. Just the tree for the first few days got him all wound up. I think the next couple of weeks before Christmas we are going to lay low and cocoon a little. We need to get close again, he seems so far away and I don't like it at all and his behavior shows neither does he.
We had a good time, nothing got broken but this tree ended up spinning really fast, LOL! This is not the greatest pic but this tree was like 12 feet tall and I wanted to show you all the actual tree. We had walked half way through and we had stopped and were just looking around and talking when I start hearing ornaments clinking together. I looked up and the tree was starting to spin really fast, I had to look around to find out what happened, Logan was right in front of me. Well right there you could just turn this dial. L had turned it up to about 7, Thank God I got to it before it really started flying. I can't imagine how much that would have cost me, although I would have probably argued about that since the dial was just right there, not out of the way or covered at all.
We have had some issues lately going on with Logan. He is being a little stinker again and that is an understatement. He is really distant with me right now but also very clingy at the same time, it is strange. He only wants me for EVERYTHING if I am around and of course I always am because I stay at home with him. He really has not wanted affection from anyone but me lately and he really doesn't want that either. I have been trying to hold his hand more, carry him more and having him sit in my lap also all of which I do all the time any ways. He has not wanted hugs or kisses from anyone but Jeff and I and sometimes he doesn't want us either.
He is moody, clingy and cranky and has been having potty issues on and off for about a month now. Logan has not worn a diaper besides at night since the beginning of August and I am about ready to regress him into them if I have to keep changing pants 3/4 times a day but then other days he doesn't have one "accident". I do not think they are accidents at all because sometimes he doesn't even try to get to the bathroom and he will even tell me that he doesn't have to go and 5 seconds later his pants are wet. What the heck, it usually happens after leaving Nanny and will last for a few days and then stop. I think maybe he is having feelings like maybe she may take him or I am leaving and not coming back. Nanny is the other lady in his life and I wonder if it has any thing to do with that.
He is such a funny kid and it stinks to see him sad. He is definitely going through something right now. I just try and reassure him that He nor we are going anywhere, that we are family and his parents forever and that we love him very much. I tell him all the time that he is safe and that this is his house and his things. He has been talking a lot about Russia and I think even having dreams about it. He told Jeff last weekend when he woke up that his deer was from Russia, so I think he must having been dreaming something because he was half a sleep. I am not sure what or how much he remembers about it though. I am sure he remembers some parts he was 19 months when he came home and it must have been so traumatic for him. Even though it was all for the best he surely couldn't understand that.
He will tell you that He was born in Russia and Mommy and Daddy came and picked him up and we flew on a plane. We talk about Russia and we tell him that he was born in Russia but we never have really gotten into the details about how we got home and stuff. I was pretty taken back when he said that to me the first time. I love it that he tells ya that he was born in Russia and Mommy and Daddy came for him, way to cute!
I know with all the hustle and bustle of the Holidays he is a little over-stimulated. Just the tree for the first few days got him all wound up. I think the next couple of weeks before Christmas we are going to lay low and cocoon a little. We need to get close again, he seems so far away and I don't like it at all and his behavior shows neither does he.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Fun in the Snow!
Jeff and I have always went and cut down our tree, this is something we have always done since we have been together, almost 10 years. WOW, I cannot believe it has been that long. Any ways, it is soooo much fun to experience it with a child. Logan just loves it, he liked it last year also but he was only home a couple of months. This year he was running around in the tree's, enjoying the snow and just having a good old time. We had such a nice family day, we went Friday morning. It was cold but the nicest out of the weekend. As soon as we turned down the street of the place it started to snow, the timing was priceless. For the past 5 years it has been so warm when we go, we are usually in jeans and sweat-shirts. Not this year year, it was about 35 degrees with some wicked winds, BURRRR. The tree's were very disappointing, bad color, not big enough or way to big. So we ventured down the road about a mile to another tree farm that we have visited before and found the perfect tree.
Finding the PERFECT tree always takes me longer to do than Jeff really likes but he is a pretty good sport about it and he really doesn't have a choice any ways. Of course he picks on me about it. We will drive around the farm up and down rows for an hour if that's what it takes. This year I love our tree, nice job finding it this year Jeff :) It is this nice big fat thing, not as tall as I like but it is so FULL, there is not a spot that you can see the trunk. It really is beautiful
I cannot believe it took me 2 days to get it all done, I could have kept going and I do need to buy a few more ornaments to finish it. I buy an ornament for Jeff and I every year, last year I got a family one and one just for Logan. I found one for Jeff and I but not for our family or Logan's special one. I want him to have these for his tree when he has his own later in life. The majority of our ornaments are special, not just bulbs, they came from someone or somewhere and I love all of them.
Any ways, we have been busy around here decorating for the Holidays, play group and all kinds of other fun stuff. I have stocked up on arts and crafts that should get us through the year. I had to give Logan some Christmas presents today, we got snow and he wanted to go out and play so I had to bust out the snow boots and heavy winter coat that I had planned on giving him for Christmas, oh well. He LOVED his boots as I knew he would, I just told Jeff that those were going to be his favorite present. They zip on both sides and his foot slides in/out very easy, he can put them on/off all by himself.
We bought a new computer and I have been trying for the last few days to get it up and running. We asked for money for Christmas from my parents to get one and I found a great deal at Best Buy Thanksgiving morning so we just went ahead and got it. I gotta tell you I am not liking the Microsoft Vista at all. It seems like I need to do a driver update or a patch from just about every piece of software that I have along with my 3 in 1 printer. It has been a real pain in the butt and I really don't think the system is working right at all and of course HP is telling me pretty much to just do a recovery and start from scratch again. That of course is going to be a pain since I have already did software patches and driver updates for days now not to mention loading all of my software onto it all of which I will have to do again, EERRRRR!!!!!! Getting a new computer is a lot of work :)
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Sunday, November 25, 2007
Santa and My Boy!
Logan finally sat with Santa :) as you can see we got no smile but he actually wanted to sit and have his picture taken. It only took 4 times of seeing Santa in the last 3 days and lots of talk about Christmas and Santa. We took Logan last week to see Santa and he wouldn't go alone so we all got our pic taken.
I had to go to Walmart 4 times in the last 2 days (long story)and there was Santa every time, you could get your pic taken for free. I kept asking Logan but he didn't want to. Yesterday he shook his hand and Santa gave him a Candy Cane, today we walked by and he said NO and then on our way out we passed him again and Logan said he wanted to, we waited in line and he did GREAT! I was so proud of him for over-coming his fear of Santa, he is growing up so fast.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Happy Thanksgiving!
I am Thankful for all I have.
For good health.
My friends and family that have supported me through the good and bad times.
I am Thankful for My Husband who works so hard to take care of us.
I am thankful that I have the energy to roll around, play and chase Logan everyday.
But most of all I am Thankful for my son, it is such an honor to be his Mommy and when he wraps his arms around me and gives me hugs and kisses I just melt.
I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving!
Logan and his Nanny
Monday, November 19, 2007
Poor Logan : )
He was a trooper! I set up a little place to take some pictures for our Christmas cards (I cannot believe it's Christmas already) and we went at it, poor kid. He did really well but got bored fast, who can blame him. I got a few good ones but I just didn't think any of them really captured who he really is. It was just Logan and I the first time and it was hard to keep him interested, he really wanted to take pictures with me, not have me taking them. Kind of hard to do so when Jeff got home the next day we took some more and got some great pictures. He is the CUTEST boy ever and I can't wait to get our cards. (I know lets get through Thanksgiving this week first).
I never thought I would be one of those Mom's that slap their kids pictures on a card and call it a day but I am. I just do not have the time to write in every ones cards. I think maybe next year I may have to re-think things and try something different but for this year my beautiful boys face is on them again :)
We took L to see Santa today, we like to go during the week so we don't have to wait so long. He was exactly like last year, he was fine as long as I held him so we did the family pic again this year :) It turned out pretty good, she took one that Logan was smiling in but she chopped half of Jeff off. There was only a couple of kids in front of us and L got to watch them and the one little girl was scared stiff. I don't think she even blinked but had that I am going to cry any second look on her face, she was cute. Logan got this funny looking little snowman/penguin (we aren't sure really what it is, LOL) from Santa and he loves it. It went to bed with him for his nap and tonight, funny!
I took out the pic from last year with Santa and I almost fell over when I looked at it. Logan looks like he is about a year old, he had only been home for about one and a half months, the pic was taken in Nov last year also, he was 20 months he is now 32 months. Logan has changed SO MUCH in the past year, it really is amazing, see for yourself.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
A Place In My Heart!
Jeff and I have had some sad news a couple of weeks ago and I have been trying to decide if to write about it or not and I decided that I mentally needed to. I have to put closure to it and I believe this will help.
Jeff and I for the last 3 months have been hoping and planning on adopting a baby through domestic adoption. We did not tell a lot of people only a select few because you never know how things can turn out as we have been down the failed adoption road before.
It all started when Jeff came home the first of September and told me about this young girl who was pregnant and wanted us to adopt her baby. I was TOTALLY shocked, I never thought in a million years that would ever happen. It was actually a very sweet thing that he did. He had all parties talk to our agency and get everything set up before he told me because he didn’t want me to get hurt if they didn’t pick us. They were talking to a couple of other families as well. Jeff knew about all of this for a month before he involved me.
I called Dana at my agency and she said they met the day before and that the BM and BF were on board that this is really what they wanted and they had support about the adoption from both sides of the family. It seemed to good to be true but we soon agreed to meet them. We were going to have a closed adoption after the baby was born. We were going to send updates and pics. No last names or addresses would be given by Jeff and I.
I feel that that info is for my child to use when and if they choose at an understanding and age appropriate.
When we met I really liked her (I will call her A) and it seemed like this was really what she and her ex-boyfriend wanted. I thought that she loved this baby and if her life were different she would keep her. I agreed to take her to her Dr.’s appointments. So a couple of weeks later I was off to pick her up from school and take her. A couple of weeks later I was at her Ultra sound finding out it was a girl. I was sitting there watching “My Daughter” squirming around and kicking. It was really cool, I have never seen a baby ultra sound in person and what was even better was this was going to be my baby.
I started checking in with her on how she was feeling and just getting to know her so I could tell “my daughter” more about her BM.
As I began to get to know her we started to have open conversations about how she had been living the past 2 years and drugs which she assured me that she was NOT doing. We specifically talked about smoking pot and cigarettes and she told me that she had a few times at first and she didn’t want to have a @#XX baby. She said there were no other drugs and she really wasn’t a drinker. “A” told me repeatedly that this adoption was what she wanted and that she wanted me to be in the delivery room with her.
“A” said she wanted a family for the baby, a better life than she could give her. There is no way that A will ever be able to emotionally or financially take care of the baby. She has no diploma yet, no car, no money, no roof over her head if she keeps her, no job and is living off the state right now.
Certain things did bother me, like she had all of these little friends with babies. She was VERY excited it was a girl, she named her and told everyone what her name was. I felt as though she was being forced into this adoption but who am I to say. I did find myself holding back a little because of our past losses in adoption but I was still excited and even bought her a little outfit for pics at the hospital and coming home. I didn’t paint or start preparing for her yet, talks, but nothing else. Thank God, I learned my lesson the first time around many years ago, it is not a fun thing to have an empty nursery.
I felt bad for her, I was proud of her for making a very difficult decision and putting her baby first. I thought that she loved this baby and only wanted the best for her UNTIL that Sunday 2 weeks ago, 2 months after we started this journey. I got the dreaded call that she had been busted by the police for SMOKING POT with a supposed friend. I say supposed because what kind of friend would even hand a FRIEND who was PREGNANT a JOINT. That is no friend, that person doesn’t care about this girl or her baby in any way. Can you tell it just disgust me. I am no frigid bitXX but come on while your pregnant how low class. Dana informed me that “A” had admitted to smoking pot pretty much on a weekly basis her whole pregnancy. I knew that that was the end of our journey for this baby.
Dana then told me that “A” was thinking that she wanted to keep the baby now because we may change our minds. OK, I am sorry but what the hell could this girl be thinking. Now that she had gotten busted for smoking pot and lying, PROVING that she can NOT take care of this baby and now she wants to keep her.
Jeff and I talked about it for a few days and decided after previous conversations that I had with “A” about other drugs that we could not trust the it was “just pot” We could not believe a word she said about anything now. I had just taken her to the Dr’s on Thursday and she got busted on Friday. I guess she told Dana that it was no big deal to smoke pot that all of her little friends did and all of their babies are fine, WHAT is she crazy. Like my pediatrician said it doesn’t take much to be a baby.
I waited to see if she was going to call and tell me but she didn’t so I waited until I cooled off and I called her. I told her that I was very disappointed that she put the baby’s future in jeopardy and that I was upset that she lied to us. I was shocked when she apologized to me for lying but she said nothing about the pot or the baby, what the heck? I asked her about keeping the baby and she said only since she got in trouble and because we probably wouldn’t want her now because she lied to me. I was now really ticked, what the heck, NO it’s because you did drugs with your baby. I asked her if her baby was sitting next to her right now if she would give the baby a shotgun off of the joint and she said no, so I said well that is what you do every time you hit one. If you have a buzz so does she, I do not believe she gets it.\
I asked her how she planned on caring for the baby for the next 18 years when she couldn’t even give up 9 months of her life to make sure her baby was OK. I told her that she put herself in front of the baby and you can’t do that when you have a baby, your baby should come first. I told her that I had done some research on the effects of drugs and that Jeff and I had made the difficult decision to not proceed with the adoption. I wished her well and I told her I hope that she does right by this baby and to take care of herself and the baby.
This was such a loss again, for 2 months I had a baby girl on the way, she was Due: Feb 15th 2008. We had narrowed down to 2 names but I had my favorite. I am so upset with the young twit. I was telling my girlfriend that adoption is so difficult. I never thought we would do a domestic adoption and I never will again. Adoption is such a WONDERFUL thing if it works out but when it doesn’t man it hurts.
I explained Domestic adoption to my girlfriend like this. In my own opinion, it is like being pregnant, having all the worries about the baby, you know is it healthy, moving enough, all parts and pieces and everything in between. Then you have I hope that BM is taking care of herself, eating well and that this is actually going to happen. Then when you take the baby home with you, you have to wait for court and BM can change her mind until then and you may have to give the baby, your baby back. It is such an emotional journey, a journey that I do not think I can ever go through again. I have felt this baby kick, squirm in her USound and I have ultra sound pics, and now she is no longer “my daughter”. I know everything does happen for a reason but that does not make the loss any easier. This baby girl will always hold a place in my heart along with the other little ones that I think of often.
I love Logan with all of my being, all of the pain it took for the stars to line up right for us to become a family was worth it, but I am emotionally spent on expanding our family. 3 years of infertility, 2 years of adoption, 4 babies lost in adoption I just do not think I can give anymore after this. I am happy if I am only meant to be Logan’s Mommy, he is a pure joy (most of the time until the terrible two’s kick in :~) and there is no bigger honor.
Jeff and I for the last 3 months have been hoping and planning on adopting a baby through domestic adoption. We did not tell a lot of people only a select few because you never know how things can turn out as we have been down the failed adoption road before.
It all started when Jeff came home the first of September and told me about this young girl who was pregnant and wanted us to adopt her baby. I was TOTALLY shocked, I never thought in a million years that would ever happen. It was actually a very sweet thing that he did. He had all parties talk to our agency and get everything set up before he told me because he didn’t want me to get hurt if they didn’t pick us. They were talking to a couple of other families as well. Jeff knew about all of this for a month before he involved me.
I called Dana at my agency and she said they met the day before and that the BM and BF were on board that this is really what they wanted and they had support about the adoption from both sides of the family. It seemed to good to be true but we soon agreed to meet them. We were going to have a closed adoption after the baby was born. We were going to send updates and pics. No last names or addresses would be given by Jeff and I.
I feel that that info is for my child to use when and if they choose at an understanding and age appropriate.
When we met I really liked her (I will call her A) and it seemed like this was really what she and her ex-boyfriend wanted. I thought that she loved this baby and if her life were different she would keep her. I agreed to take her to her Dr.’s appointments. So a couple of weeks later I was off to pick her up from school and take her. A couple of weeks later I was at her Ultra sound finding out it was a girl. I was sitting there watching “My Daughter” squirming around and kicking. It was really cool, I have never seen a baby ultra sound in person and what was even better was this was going to be my baby.
I started checking in with her on how she was feeling and just getting to know her so I could tell “my daughter” more about her BM.
As I began to get to know her we started to have open conversations about how she had been living the past 2 years and drugs which she assured me that she was NOT doing. We specifically talked about smoking pot and cigarettes and she told me that she had a few times at first and she didn’t want to have a @#XX baby. She said there were no other drugs and she really wasn’t a drinker. “A” told me repeatedly that this adoption was what she wanted and that she wanted me to be in the delivery room with her.
“A” said she wanted a family for the baby, a better life than she could give her. There is no way that A will ever be able to emotionally or financially take care of the baby. She has no diploma yet, no car, no money, no roof over her head if she keeps her, no job and is living off the state right now.
Certain things did bother me, like she had all of these little friends with babies. She was VERY excited it was a girl, she named her and told everyone what her name was. I felt as though she was being forced into this adoption but who am I to say. I did find myself holding back a little because of our past losses in adoption but I was still excited and even bought her a little outfit for pics at the hospital and coming home. I didn’t paint or start preparing for her yet, talks, but nothing else. Thank God, I learned my lesson the first time around many years ago, it is not a fun thing to have an empty nursery.
I felt bad for her, I was proud of her for making a very difficult decision and putting her baby first. I thought that she loved this baby and only wanted the best for her UNTIL that Sunday 2 weeks ago, 2 months after we started this journey. I got the dreaded call that she had been busted by the police for SMOKING POT with a supposed friend. I say supposed because what kind of friend would even hand a FRIEND who was PREGNANT a JOINT. That is no friend, that person doesn’t care about this girl or her baby in any way. Can you tell it just disgust me. I am no frigid bitXX but come on while your pregnant how low class. Dana informed me that “A” had admitted to smoking pot pretty much on a weekly basis her whole pregnancy. I knew that that was the end of our journey for this baby.
Dana then told me that “A” was thinking that she wanted to keep the baby now because we may change our minds. OK, I am sorry but what the hell could this girl be thinking. Now that she had gotten busted for smoking pot and lying, PROVING that she can NOT take care of this baby and now she wants to keep her.
Jeff and I talked about it for a few days and decided after previous conversations that I had with “A” about other drugs that we could not trust the it was “just pot” We could not believe a word she said about anything now. I had just taken her to the Dr’s on Thursday and she got busted on Friday. I guess she told Dana that it was no big deal to smoke pot that all of her little friends did and all of their babies are fine, WHAT is she crazy. Like my pediatrician said it doesn’t take much to be a baby.
I waited to see if she was going to call and tell me but she didn’t so I waited until I cooled off and I called her. I told her that I was very disappointed that she put the baby’s future in jeopardy and that I was upset that she lied to us. I was shocked when she apologized to me for lying but she said nothing about the pot or the baby, what the heck? I asked her about keeping the baby and she said only since she got in trouble and because we probably wouldn’t want her now because she lied to me. I was now really ticked, what the heck, NO it’s because you did drugs with your baby. I asked her if her baby was sitting next to her right now if she would give the baby a shotgun off of the joint and she said no, so I said well that is what you do every time you hit one. If you have a buzz so does she, I do not believe she gets it.\
I asked her how she planned on caring for the baby for the next 18 years when she couldn’t even give up 9 months of her life to make sure her baby was OK. I told her that she put herself in front of the baby and you can’t do that when you have a baby, your baby should come first. I told her that I had done some research on the effects of drugs and that Jeff and I had made the difficult decision to not proceed with the adoption. I wished her well and I told her I hope that she does right by this baby and to take care of herself and the baby.
This was such a loss again, for 2 months I had a baby girl on the way, she was Due: Feb 15th 2008. We had narrowed down to 2 names but I had my favorite. I am so upset with the young twit. I was telling my girlfriend that adoption is so difficult. I never thought we would do a domestic adoption and I never will again. Adoption is such a WONDERFUL thing if it works out but when it doesn’t man it hurts.
I explained Domestic adoption to my girlfriend like this. In my own opinion, it is like being pregnant, having all the worries about the baby, you know is it healthy, moving enough, all parts and pieces and everything in between. Then you have I hope that BM is taking care of herself, eating well and that this is actually going to happen. Then when you take the baby home with you, you have to wait for court and BM can change her mind until then and you may have to give the baby, your baby back. It is such an emotional journey, a journey that I do not think I can ever go through again. I have felt this baby kick, squirm in her USound and I have ultra sound pics, and now she is no longer “my daughter”. I know everything does happen for a reason but that does not make the loss any easier. This baby girl will always hold a place in my heart along with the other little ones that I think of often.
I love Logan with all of my being, all of the pain it took for the stars to line up right for us to become a family was worth it, but I am emotionally spent on expanding our family. 3 years of infertility, 2 years of adoption, 4 babies lost in adoption I just do not think I can give anymore after this. I am happy if I am only meant to be Logan’s Mommy, he is a pure joy (most of the time until the terrible two’s kick in :~) and there is no bigger honor.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Big Boy Bed!
The last of the "Baby" stage is gone, BOO-HOO:~( My little man is growing up so fast, last week he made the transition into a "Big Boy Bed" he looks so cute in it.
Logan was sooooooooo excited to make the move and he has done remarkably well. I pumped him up about it for 3 weeks and then We all went to the store and picked one out. NOTE to OTHERS: Make sure you get a convertible crib that goes thru all 3 stages. Logan's crib is beautiful but it goes right into a Full size bed. I guess I didn't put much thought into it when we picked it out. It is timeless, beautiful furniture that I hope he has for his whole life and can pass onto his kids.
I didn't think that putting him into a full bed was a good idea, I thought he would be more comfortable in a "smaller big bed", we needed to make the move just for safety he is getting way to big for a crib. It was going to be now or after the Holidays so we went with now. He has stayed in his bed all night besides 1 night, I heard this big crash in the monitor and I flew up the stairs in record time to find him diving back in his bed with a STACK of books. It really was funny, for those of you who don't know L hated books for about the first 3 months home now he loves them and can't get enough.
Any ways, he is doing great in his bed, he loves it. I think what he likes the best is just being able to get in it by himself, he makes this big deal out of it every time when getting in, way to cute!
We have been busy, our "story Time" at the library has started back up again and so has play-group. We are out Monday and Weds mornings every week. I am so thankful for the interaction with other adults and Logan loves it. He is not really into the actual stories, honestly the Liberian is a very boring lady and she puts no emotion into her stories. I still like to take him, he gets to play on the computer and there is a bunch of other stuff to do also. Before we leave we check out a few books. I love his face when we take them back and he drops them in the return slot.
We have had really nice weather up until this past week, fall has officially arrived. We need hats and gloves outside :~( I am sad. I do not like being cold!
The time change wasn't to awful, I didn't think it would be I started the day before. Logan woke up about an hour and a half earlier than normal so it worked out good to roll him back, I think he was back to normal yesterday. Logan has had a slight fever the past 2 days but he was in really good spirits. Today the fever is gone so we got to go the play-group, it was really strange no other symptoms at all.
Playing in the leaves with Daddy
Logan was sooooooooo excited to make the move and he has done remarkably well. I pumped him up about it for 3 weeks and then We all went to the store and picked one out. NOTE to OTHERS: Make sure you get a convertible crib that goes thru all 3 stages. Logan's crib is beautiful but it goes right into a Full size bed. I guess I didn't put much thought into it when we picked it out. It is timeless, beautiful furniture that I hope he has for his whole life and can pass onto his kids.
I didn't think that putting him into a full bed was a good idea, I thought he would be more comfortable in a "smaller big bed", we needed to make the move just for safety he is getting way to big for a crib. It was going to be now or after the Holidays so we went with now. He has stayed in his bed all night besides 1 night, I heard this big crash in the monitor and I flew up the stairs in record time to find him diving back in his bed with a STACK of books. It really was funny, for those of you who don't know L hated books for about the first 3 months home now he loves them and can't get enough.
Any ways, he is doing great in his bed, he loves it. I think what he likes the best is just being able to get in it by himself, he makes this big deal out of it every time when getting in, way to cute!
We have been busy, our "story Time" at the library has started back up again and so has play-group. We are out Monday and Weds mornings every week. I am so thankful for the interaction with other adults and Logan loves it. He is not really into the actual stories, honestly the Liberian is a very boring lady and she puts no emotion into her stories. I still like to take him, he gets to play on the computer and there is a bunch of other stuff to do also. Before we leave we check out a few books. I love his face when we take them back and he drops them in the return slot.
We have had really nice weather up until this past week, fall has officially arrived. We need hats and gloves outside :~( I am sad. I do not like being cold!
The time change wasn't to awful, I didn't think it would be I started the day before. Logan woke up about an hour and a half earlier than normal so it worked out good to roll him back, I think he was back to normal yesterday. Logan has had a slight fever the past 2 days but he was in really good spirits. Today the fever is gone so we got to go the play-group, it was really strange no other symptoms at all.
Playing in the leaves with Daddy
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